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Thursday, October 7, 2010

Because This Is My Previous Life ~ Little Chocolate Donuts

This is one from the archives: 

Because This Is My Life
(Otherwise Entitled “Why I Go To the Gym”)

There are so many noble reasons to maintain an exercise program. Exercise can help you lose weight, help you ward of depression and stress, give you more energy, keep your body running smoothly, blah, blah, blah blah. These reasons pale in comparison to my own. (drum roll please) LITTLE CHOCOLATE DONUTS!!!!!!!!!!

Little Chocolate Donuts (or LCDs) are the yummiest things ever. Along with any other fattening food that my husband likes to buy at the grocery store and then refuses to share with me.

I know what you are thinking. Why did I marry such an evil no LCD sharing troll? I thought it would be nice to marry a man who cooks and cleans. As it turns out, there is no point marrying someone who will cook and clean up after you if he gets upset that you eat his LCDs and watch tv while he is slaving over a hot stove.

Now the second thing you might be wondering is WHY he won’t share his LCDs with me? I have an answer for this too. He thinks that I think that I need to lose weight and he is trying to help me in this endeavor. His logic is, “If she isn’t happy about her weight, she must want to lose weight. If she loses weight, she will be a happier person.” For me this is faulty reasoning. Yes, I do occasionally get a little depressed when I realize that hour upon hour of watching tv while shoving all of my husbands fatty snacks down my throat as quickly as possible widens my waist the way it does. However, my logic is that if that is the price I have to pay for LCDs and laziness…..SO BE IT!! Because my husband does not appreciate this logic, he has banned me from his snack stash. In fact, just last night I found out that he counts his Little Debbie snacks to make sure that I don’t steal any. I must say that this information would have been extremely helpful before I stole three, but whatever.

All this “no more sharing” business was making the home environment rather ugly for a week or two, but I have hit upon a solution. The gym. That’s right folks, my savior in the snack drought turns out to be the local health club. Now that I go to the gym on a regular basis, my beloved merely gives me a dirty look when I plunder his snacks. Yes technically his snacks are still off limits to me, BUT when he catches me all I have to do is say, “Hey I have been going to the gym every day this weekend.” Instead of getting angry, he just claims to be disappointed and lets it go. Disappointment is a small price to pay for a chocolatey morsel.

The key to all this is that I go to the gym alone. Sans the evil no sharing LCD troll. That way when I say my arms are sore, he doesn’t have to know the soreness comes from repeated lifting of a large coffee to my lips while reading a book in the health club’s cafĂ©. Not that I would do that. Right? Right.

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