About Me

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Biological Clock Don't Say "Tick Tock"

I  had decided that my "biological clock" had just not kicked in yet, but I just read on the internet (so it must be true) that it kicks in at your late 20's. My clock has exactly 104 days to get with the program.

Someone recently told me that when you KNOW intimately the amount of work that goes into babies/children, you don't get that poignant urge that you must have a baby NOW.  Or Ever.

After spending a lot of time with my 3 nieces and 3 nephews, there is no mystery. There are lots of great moments, but there is also mind numbing exhaustion and hard work involved. And worry. As a person who struggles with anxiety on a daily basis anyway, I just can't even imagine how ramped up my anxiety would be as a mother. I remember when my nephew "Rah Rah"  was a baby (and even a toddler), he was small for his size and he would sleep in the bed snuggled between his uncle and I. I would wake up panicked hour after hour (minute after minute) that we or our giant cat would squish him, smother him, suffocate him, wake him, or that he would pee in our bed. I also remember how much I loved having all of us snuggled in bed.  How much I loved having the kids around ALL the time. The frustrations, the challenges, the energy needed never stopped me from wanting them around.

I feel like people who want kids- WANT KIDS. In all caps, at all times.  And if you asked me if I wanted kids, I would say "yes" out loud but in my head I would tack the phrase "or whatever" on at the end.

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