About Me

Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Other One

I like to look at my analytics report and see where all my readers are.
One reader is from a city I know you lived (live?) in.
I wonder if it is you.

I think a lot of what you would think if you read this blog.
I imagine you as critical.
"She must think I am so stupid."
Not because I am stupid.
Just in comparison to you.
Smarter than most by far.

And you and I have shared the most complicated friendship I have ever known.

I reflect on the state of "us" now and realize that it is next to nothingness.
It's like we never watched all those foreign films.
Or read Angela's Ashes.
That I never said, "If you are anything like me, you will need a napkin."
And then I accidentally dumped all of my food in my lap.
That was the first time we hung out.

I say all this because I want you to know two things:

If you are reading, and I highly doubt you are,
I consider this to be a high honor.
Even if you read in derision.

And I have been thinking a lot about why we are the way we are.
And I have come to a conclusion.
I think we just always found each other on opposite sides of important issues.
Never on purpose.
We just always chose the side that fit us right,
only to look up and see the other across, not beside.

Sometimes our sides were chosen for us.
By birth really.
And we defended our side outwardly with fierce devotion.
Inwardly we may have struggled with it.

And that is my defense.
My excuse.
I was struggling on my side of the battlefield.
And I had not the heart to see you suffering on yours.

This is my feeble offer of kind thoughts and best wishes.

If this finds you, I hope it finds you happy.


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