About Me

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Logic Has No Place Here. Defined.

Look up there at the top of my blog. Notice how it says, "Logic Has No Place Here."


Example: Yesterday my lower back started hurting in a moderately inconvenient manner. No other symptoms. I decided my kidneys were failing. I decided to research it on WebMD, but then I got scared and decided NOT to research it because I would rather just die blithely unaware of my impending death. Because, yes, I was pretty sure that my moderate lower back pain with no other symptoms was acute renal failure and I was also pretty sure that acute renal failure equalled dying in my sleep last night. My friends were mostly concerned about whether or not I had a will and how would my shoes be handled upon my death. I told them that before I went to bed last night I would pile all of my belongings together and put a sign on top that said, "May the fiercest of you win!" But then I was really tired so I decided that my friends would just have to work all of that out on their own.

Example: Today I took a very large bite peanut butter for lunch and it got lodged in what I can only guess is my esophagus. It was painful. I attributed it to the kidney failure. Even though a drink of water quickly solved the problem.

Example: Today I am involved in a rather vehement and decidedly one-sided argument with one of the plants that creates The Secret Garden. I feel that since it rained lately, the Texas Ranger should burst forth with little purple blooms. The Texas Ranger has yet to respond to this. Tall and silent type I suppose. I am not sure the plant is even called a Texas Ranger. But how thrilling is it to have a Texas Ranger outside your front door? I shall call him Chuck Norris.

Example: I listened to approximately 5 minutes of classical music + NPR like programming on the radio today because I thought it might improve my ability to complete crosswords. But just 5 minutes. That should be sufficient, right?

Example: About 45% of my blog traffic comes from the Ukraine. Hi Ukraine! This simultaneously thrills and scares me. What does the Ukraine want with my blog? Don't they know that my blog is a complete and utter waste of time? Ukraine, I don't know how you found me, but I apologize. Please don't base anything logical off of me. Ever.

3 comments:

  1. That's so strange that 45 % are from ukraine! Always interesting.

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  2. Once when I was 17, I got a really bad tummy ache and I actually told the doctor who did my ultrasound to check for Kidney stones because "Joey from Friends had a bad tummy ache which was due to kidney stones." Seems silly only to other people still...

    I'm sure you don't have kidney stones though. Or renal failure. :) 

    Maybe your jeans are too tight. 

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  3. Even I have considerable traffic from Ukraine! I love Ukraine! 

    ReplyDelete