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Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The 2013 Grammy Awards

I watched MOST of the Grammy Awards Sunday night. I had serious insomnia Saturday night, so by Sunday night making it to the end of the telecast was just not feasible.

Here are some of my thoughts, presented as letters to the artists. I am sure they are reading them closely, as my opinion is so widely regarded.

Dear TayTay Swift,
In an impetuous moment, I bought a ticket to your concert in May. Your concert tickets are very expensive. If I get to your concert and it is anything like that lackluster Lady Gaga meets Shirley Temple mess I saw Sunday night, I am going to be highly irritated!

Dear Rihanna,
I love you like a love song baby. Like a horribly cheesy, pop love song. You are my other Britney Spears. And what I mean by this is: I don't expect you to actually be able to sing or impress me. I just expect you to put out catchy hits. But you K-I-L-L-E-D it singing Stay.  Seriously. I was surprised and impressed. You did nothing for me on the whole Bob Marley tribute but still...

Dear JT aka Justin Timberlake,
*Deep breath* Soooooo.....this is the thing.....I am SUPER EXCITED about your new album. So much so, that I may have upped my expectation just a smidgen too high because....well....Suit and Tie does nothing for me. And that other song you performed last night did nothing for me. And ALL of the advertising tie-ins for Target and some beer and I think maybe something else did less than nothing for me. Look, I am not trying to be overly harsh. Suit and Tie is fine. It's a fine song. There is nothing wrong with it. But.....your last two albums were so much more than fine to me. And both songs you performed last night so easily could have passed as Robin Thicke songs. I love Robin Thicke. There is a time and place for Robin Thicke. But you, you are NOT Robin Thicke. You are a white boy who became a hearthrob whilst rocking an afro. You are something special. Now go make music that lives up to your reputation. Also, could you fulfill my musical fantasy and put together a collaboration album with Usher and Prince? Thank you.

Dear Adele,
Dearest, dear, sweet Adele.....That dress was not your friend. Otherwise, I think you are fabulous!

Dear Kelly Clarkson,
I don't dislike your music. I really liked Since You've Been Gone. But I have this tendency to view your music as just innocuous filler music for radio stations and elevators and such. Imagine my surprise then, when you kept getting nominated. I could not figure out what was going on. And then you won and your acceptance speech was so personable and full of Simon Cowell's elusive likeability factor that I thought maybe you kept getting nominated and won simply because people like you.

Dear Miguel and The Black Keys,
I happen to think that you are musical perfection right now.

Dear Grammy Award Show Producers,
This year was really missing some sort of Wow! Surprise! Factor. You kept having LL Cool J talk about moments of Grammy history happening right BEFORE the moment happened. This caused every moment after he spoke to seem like a letdown. A ghost of what could have been. What I really like is when some current pop star is performing and then BAM! some musical legend walks out onto stage mid-performance. So if you could set that up for next year, that would be awesome. Kisses!

And there you have it.

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