About Me

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Because This Is My Life: Things That Happen at Target

When a Target employee is NOT a Target employee. 

It was early on a Friday morning and I was at Target picking up office supplies. I was in the grocery section headed towards the coffee aisle when a red-shirted man that was on his knees by a shelf with cases next to him struck up a conversation with me.

"Hi! How are you today?"

Note: Normally, I do not speak to strangers.  Also, I am not overly fond of helpful team members at Target because I CAN FIND IT ALL BY MYSELF!  That being said,  I try to at least be polite to Target team members when they offer help. I am not a total troll. Just mostly one.

 "I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm good."

And then......that was it. No follow up question about whether I needed help finding anything. At the time, I thought it was odd, but maybe this was just a friendly team member, not necessarily a helpful team member.

It also seemed strange that as I continued milling through the grocery section he kept popping up where ever I was, but whatever. I wasn't there to judge how he did his job. It wasn't until I started to exit the grocery section that I realized my mistake. He was, in fact, not a Target employee. He was stranger danger in a red shirt. Made all the stranger by the fact that he was milling around Target on a Friday morning with a large case of beer.  He approached me.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"ummmmm okay?"

"I don't know if you have kids or anything, but I keep hearing about this aquarium that just opened. Do you know where it is?"

"uhhhh the one that just opened at the Desert Museum?"

My inner monologue at this point: go away go away go away stop talking to me. Must. Run. Away. Also, why are you asking me if I have kids, creeper???? 

"Oh is that what it is? The Desert Museum. Do you know how much it costs?"

"I have no idea. I just heard about it on the news."

Note: At this point my tone is becoming increasingly less friendly. But apparently, not enough to indicate that this will not end well for him. 

"Oh, well, do you have kids?"


Note: At this point my tone is decidedly unfriendly. But apparently, still not enough to indicate that this will not end well for him. Also, at NO point does he say something that makes it okay that he has now twice shown interest in whether or not I have kids. Things he could have said that might have made his interest less creepy? "Because I was looking for something fun to do with my kids." or "My kids love aquariums." or "I'm not a pedophile, I am just socially awkward and this is how I talk to the ladies." Well, the last one probably would not have helped. 

"Oh, well, do you have plans tonight? Do you want to like hang out or something?"

Note: Really? Hang out??? 

"I am here running errands for work. I have to go now."

I have never moved my cart so fast in my life. Or cursed the fact that Target employees wear red shirts so much.

Do you know how this entire scenario would have played out if he had NOT been wearing a red shirt? He would have said hello to me, I would have either a) pretended not to have heard him or b)given him a look that clearly said, "DO NOT SPEAK TO ME EVER." Either way, under no circumstances would it have progressed past his initial greeting.

What about you? Any incidents in Target you would like to share? Have you ever been foiled by a red shirt?


  1. I had a totally creepy dad at work bothering me on Friday!

    1. Ewwww!!! You win! There is something INFINITELY more creepy about a dad at a hospital creeping in a child care facility setting.