About Me

Monday, January 12, 2015

I Believe I Can Fly ~ R. Kelly

Sometimes the amount of people in an airport gives me hope that there will be a lovely chance encounter with someone I know.  A cinematic coincidence, if you will.  A romantic notion, I know.  Especially odd considering that I am queen hater of crowds. I am not that fond of people and yet I love scanning the airport for people I know.  I spend all of my time in airports eager with expectation for what I know will be the most charming of run-ins.

In this respect, experience has taught me nothing.


Two fat old racists in the security line drawing a TSA Agent's attention to a young woman who had gone to the front of the security line.  It was abundantly apparent to me that the young woman was some sort of employee, but these two repugnant old jerks clearly only saw her skin color and that she dared get through security in advance of them.  I took extreme pleasure in seeing that they were singled out for the full body scanners and additional screening.   I never knew I could like TSA agents so much.  Definitely not a charming run-in. Instead just a moment of me wishing those two men would behave like the dinosaurs they were and go extinct already.

Sitting next to a woman who, when not getting out of her seat repeatedly, applied hand sanitizer with a fervor and frequency that implied mental instability and/or being under the influence of some substance.  I had the extreme misfortune of accidentally making eye contact with her and spent the rest of the flight listening to her overshare highly personal information.  Highlight: She dated the biggest drug dealer in Kansas City! He is now in prison!

On a flight a few months ago (height of Ebola paranoia thus far), I rested my head against the window.  Little did I know that I had a mannerless oaf of a teenager sitting behind me.  He coughed without covering his mouth.  I felt the full weight of his hot diseased breath hit the back of my neck and my ear.  I spent the rest of the flight twitching in a fit of germaphobic despair.


  1. I'm preparing myself for a flight across the country in March, and while your post made me giggle, it did nothing to assuage my fears. XD

    Plus side: TSA agents are often demonized and it's nice to see them be redeemed by humiliating racists.



    1. Glad it made you giggle at least. And yes, agreed on the TSA agents.

  2. I always think of Love Actually at the airport now. This quote always gets me! "Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around."